A bad day... make that week

So as if it wasn't bad enough that we had conferences Monday and Tuesday and I had to stay at work until 7 both of those nights, even though all the conferences I had scheduled were over at 5:20 both days... Two of my students have decided to become just plain out bad. I mean seriously what is wrong with these kids?

One tells me to shut up and that he doesn't have to listen to me and that he is going to have his daddy come and "get me", and the other one just is down right defiant, doing the opposite of everything I ask the class to do. This doesn't just happen for short periods of the day. It has been every minute of every day for this whole week. And of course these are the two parents that don't come in for conferences. Sure I talked to them on the phone but that doesn't really get the point across. And both parents told me the same thing "that's how they act at home, I know what you mean, I have to deal with it all evening" What the hell kind of BS is that????

One student actually got physical, pushing another down, on Tuesday. So what else can I do but to pull this child away from the other. And I am really in no condition to do that. This child is in third grade, but he is as big as me, No lie, as tall as me, and I was barely capable of getting him under control before I was pregnant and now I should not be doing it, and will not ever again. But then what do I do when he goes towards another student? I mean he is so much bigger than any of my other students and could do some damage if he ever wanted to.

So what do I do? Send him to the office everyday with a referral, done it, he just comes back whether it's 10 minutes or 3 hours later and starts it again. Call his parents, well you saw what she says, and that's when the phone is even in service, which it's only been once this year.

I'm just really feeling stressed out today about my job. Another teacher asked me if I was going to try and switch classes next year to keep me from stressing so much, and I am like, next year it won't be that big of a deal, now is the time that it can really effect me and my babies. And I swear if something happens to my babies because of this stress and these brats I don't know what I would do.

I had a break down after work in the office today. My first of the year. I am a very emotional person and in previous years I've had more breakdowns, so I don't think people have realized how bad these boys are since I haven't been very verbal about it. I've been home for about 45 minutes and am still just so upset.

I guess I just have to start going to my principal and the counselor everyday about it. I just don't want to be "that teacher" who can't control her students. The sad thing is the other 6 are so awesome. They are just the sweetest boys in the world. So it's really not fair for them to have to deal with either. I actually had one of the boys at the end of the day say, why do they have to do this every day Mrs. M? I could only answer that I didn't know either, and then apologized to the others for their behavior.

Here's the thing. I am a "TEACHER" I am not a psychologist, therapist, counselor, behavior specialist, or mother. I do not have the training to deal with students that have the issues these two kids have. I have tried to play all these roles. I have tried to talk to them about what's bothering them. They won't talk. I have tried to be nice and talk with them privately about their behavior, 10 minutes later they are back at it again. I have tried to yell at them, that only makes it worse. I have made contracts with them, taken away privileges, made them sit in the office during parties, and it doesn't effect them. I have even tried to be a caring mom-like figure. Surrounding them with hugs and love and this doesn't do the trick either. So I'm out of things. I'm done with it. My patience is gone. I've even told Josh twice this week that I really hate my job.

Do I really hate my job? NOT AT ALL. I love teaching, more than I thought I ever would even though this is what I wanted to do all my life. And I love the special needs students I work with. It is so awesome when I get to watch them finally get a concept and really see that they understand how it works after working for days on the same thing. It is a great feeling that I can't even explain. And those 6 I mentioned are so sweet, kind, caring, loving and funny. So much so that I don't even want to leave Learning disabled self-contained class because these are my boys. They are part of my life. Even the two that I am having such a hard time with I love with all my heart and want so badly to get them to see what they need to change.

So what do I hate? Why have I made that statement to Josh twice in one week? I hate being a babysitter, I hate being a person who doesn't get to teach more than 3 minutes at a time before I have to stop to correct a behavior or deal with an argument. I hate not having support from the parents whose kids these are. And I hate that because of what these kids are going through in their lives at home are why they are the way they are. I hate that there are six kids not getting the teaching and care that they should get and that they have to deal with it too. I hate that I feel like I am a horrible teacher, that two kids out of 6 make me question myself and what I am doing and if I should even be a teacher.

I know it can only get better, but I feel like crap today. I am sorry to go on and on, but just really needed to get this off my chest, so thanks to everyone who reads it.